I am not an expert.

I over-analyze everything.

Recently, on a sabotaged interview, I was reminded that writers live in their heads and I was a writer.
Not exactly startling news but it shook me out of whatever autopilot daze I was in.

FFWD to this morning and Gillian Welch is coolly telling me in her sweet n' slow as molasses way "Time's the revelator."

Music has a power all of its own and for me, a few aching chords and plucked strings was all it took to wake me up.

So, here are some revelations.

Revelation 1: I'm trying too hard to be cool or enigmatic or both for my own good.

I'm a pretty proud guy. I don't like asking for help. I'd rather spend more time trying to figure something out on my own and finally get it than take the quick and easy path.
Yes, I would rather suffer in silence than reach out to my fellow man or woman.
(I'm currently attempting to overcome this.)
As a dad and an unemployed copywriter, this has been an issue.
This has actually probably been the root issue for all the other issues.

This is me coming clean though, turning about face and asking for help from the one or seven people that may read this.
If you have or know of a job that a neurotic but semi-intelligent and capable guy like me can handle, reply, email or message me please.

Revelation 2: I'm (apparently) coming across as more successful, knowledgeable and/or talented than I actually am.

I've been given feedback recently which pointed to this misconception.
One firm from the UK thought I was a marketing expert and expected to find me at an upcoming conference.
(Heh-heh. Yeah, I've got the $$$ for a international flight.)
This is still better than the scenario where nobody approaches me but still, it can be weird.

In any case, I don't want to lead anyone on or trick them into working with me.
If somebody finds an idea I had in a blog post, tweet, ad or crumpled up post-it useful in any way than that's cool, but I'm not to a point yet where I can do a 12 point presentation all on my lonesome to the CEO and/or board of directors.
I'm not that guy.
I'm not an expert in anything except MTV's The State and maybe pouring the perfect pint (minus the shamrock on top).

I'm just an idea guy, feeling my way through the industry and trying my hand at different things hoping one of these things will pan out and lead to something I can make a living at.

I learned a long time ago, for my part, it's much better to come up with ideas than form concrete conclusions.
Anyway, it's just an idea.

Thanks for reading and any feedback/help is welcome and appreciated.

-CB

Untitled #8

The State - MTV Shows

Doug's Dad: "Are these your cigarettes, Doug?"

Doug: "Yeah, so what if they are? What you gonna do about it?
Send me off to grandma's so she can teach me pinocle and make me bland?"


This is from ""Doug," the above Michael Showalter sketch from MTV's The State. It's always been a favorite of mine and recently, with the announcement of The State finally (finally!) getting a DVD release date, I revisited it. Partly for nostalgic purposes and to tide me over till it's release but in any case, it was while watching this video that I started thinking about creativity in general and edginess vs. maturity, but mostly about my life in advertising.


When I first started off in the ad world, I was the crazy kid making spec ads depicting famous family-friendly brand mascots in various stages of pain and peril.
I was sending out promo pieces comparing the violent pen attacks in Grosse Pointe Blank + Casino with my skill as a copywriter. I was blowing chance after scarce chance because no one wanted the edgy offerings.


Fast forward a few years later and I've become accustomed to the constant heartache and soul crushing that naivety promotes and the compromise details.


Using such uninspired lines as "highest quality care" and "tradition of excellence," I watch as most true creative attempts die on the vine - the same vine, which I've tried in vain to strangle myself or others with many, many, many times.


That's advertising for you. That's the sickness.
For better or worse, I return each time for more abuse.
Why? Well, as a good friend and mentor reminded me, for every 300 dead headlines ("written but never used or changed beyond recognition by clients") there's one live line ("put into print without molestation or disfigurement") that makes it.

And it's that "one" which makes it all worth it sometimes.
At other times, it just delays further strangling attempts.


Of course, spec, pro-bono work and venting on your blog helps too.


Still, 300:1.
Good odds by most accounts, don't you think?